We’re back finally!Bottom 10: Fashionably late edition
Article By: As I write this on a flight to Orlando (circa Sunday night so apologies if any of you lovely cellar dwellers have won by time this posts), I sat and thought to myself, ‘should I throw one of these up this late in the season?’ The answer is clearly yes and it’s important because we want to spotlight the backbone of the league. Yes we have our outliers podcast that is fantastic at calling out the mid-majors, but this ones for the casuals. The 35’d the INT machines, the true foundation of the NDL. So I say to you all. You’re welcome and we’re back. I’ll be working on a list of pun names for every team next year as that’s probably the part of the writing that’s the hardest if I’m being honest. With that said, let’s get started:
TCeww Horndogs - Well, the easy part of the schedule is over, and that ain’t a good look for Vicktim and the Horned Frogs. After losing to a member of the Geriatric conference (MWC), temu Stephen A Smith (Block M) and a fellow bottom 10er (VT), they may be on a collision course with another train-wreck candidate in Brady Senior and Okie St. We need to start a gofund me for a bronzed toilet seat to mail around to the toilet bowl winner. Any takers?
Dookey Blue Devilles - Do you feel that? The warmth? The glow? That radiant heat of another Duke Season circling the toilet. It always warms my heart to see Duke on this list if you can’t tell. After losing his grip on NC state and finally letting our beloved webmaster Holmey return to his post, this man willingly chose Duke and proceeds to get dog walked to the tune of 58 points in block 1 and a narrow L to fellow cellar dweller Okie St. He may be seeking some retribution in an attempt to get NC State back, and he has a long road ahead. Especially considering he only managed 10 points against FSUs revolving door defense. #F***duke
Ruffgers Red Wedding - Now I love Coach Untouchable as much as the next guy, but so for the life of me can’t understand why this man would leave the comfort of the NDLs retirement community in the MWC, for…. Stress. As our poster boy for the twilight years of NDL coaching Ank has said: ‘power 4 conferences are stressful and not good for your blood pressure. And another thing…’ NDL media had to cut him off as he began yelling at clouds but you get the idea. Ank personally gave him the boot with a season opening L on his home turf. He followed that up with an alarming loss to Charlotte and with the ‘easy’ part of the schedule done we have another fantastic toilet bowl candidate coming up in the final block with Michigan St and newcomer code one. We wait with bated breath.
Warshington Husks - You may be seeing a theme here. Teams that lost to the NDL retirement community just aren’t the same after. Mattdaddy picked up approximately zero easy games on the schedule and has since scored 24 points across 4 games. Three of which are against top 25 teams and he has Rule czar Shel at the end of the season as well. However, there’s one ray of hope good old Rutgers. Perhaps Mattdaddy and Untouchable can trauma bond together over their L’s to the MWC and give us an unforgettable Toilet Bowl later this season.
Can’t St Golden Showers - Something may have broke over at Kent St. Ever since giving up 400 yards rushing to ODU (without MarianCounty mind you). They’ve been like can’t get right from the acclaimed classic ‘Life’ starring Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, the late great Bernie Mac and Bokeem Woodbine also known as evil Dave Chappelle, as the aforementioned Can’GetRight (Look it up young folk). He’s actively chasing Oldschoola for that INT title and with the ‘Boom or Blank’ offense it’s a better’s wet dream to see where he ends up at season’s end.
 is in an all time spiral. Likely the product of burnout after handily reclaiming his namesake team, VTrunngun is fighting for his life at 1-6 after a literal series of unfortunate events in several games. With his only dub coming from fellow Bottom 10 underachiever TCEww. Hopefully he can get a bank bailout to keep his team, as he’ll need to go in an all time run to make a bowl game at this point. Personally, I blame Jeffrey’s internet from last season’s nail biter when Clemson came to town. Something’s been off since that game and I call SHENANIGANS!<br />
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[img]https://media1.tenor.com/m/CBoz7e2EG5EAAAAC/shenanigans-super.gif)
UMess OneMinutemen - There’s a saying in marriage ‘Pick your battles’… Coach MCX got to pick his own schedule and perhaps he should re-evaluate those choices after a paltry 28 points across 4 games. He is currently solely responsible for a potential Season turnaround of the underperforming James Madison squad headed by NDL Media darling Jsence who took time prior to his darkness retreat to whoop some feet. Now granted, 2 L’s are against current top 25 teams, but he’s still got Heavyset Mike and the Gators, ThatOneGuy and the Sooners, Sammy with his first to 50 points wins defense, oh and Bama for no reason. It’s like he’s auditioning to replace the other maroon and white team that gets its ass kicked in the SEC…
Missed-itsippi State Bulljivers - Bless the heart of any coach that takes this team. Bad enough that all the cool kids like to flock to the SEC and measure dicks all season, but then you don’t even get to avoid anyone but Smitty and Ole Miss. Atleast if you play him you can feel involved when everyone pisses about formations and run percentage passive-aggressively as you get 35’d.
Georgia Southern Comfort - Coach Oldschoola has got to be going for the interception record, and I mean thrown not caught, as he’s averaging 7 INTs in the last 3 games and has New Mexico & Marshall out here looking like the 2000 Ravens. If there was a season to do it, however, it would be the 4th season following a 10 year hiatus. Let’s get those record books stuffed for Holmey! We’ll be missing out on a potential Toilet Bowl matchup with fellow Sun Belt bottom 10ner and dgaf’er Texas St which is a tragedy really.
Texmex St Bobkittens - There comes a time in every Father’s life where they get surpassed by their son. I did it to my Dad in Madden 96 after getting my ass handed to me in maddens 92-95. Randawg is potentially at a crisis point. He took the first father son duel in season 29, and is now 0 for 3 since. Couple that with the fact that he just wants his Houston Cougars back to get back to the ‘good old days’ and you have a 3 L losing streak there as well. This has NDL mid life crisis written all over it. Be fully prepared to see Randall pulling up to next year’s convention in a Corvette, some oakleys and hoochie daddy shorts looking for a good time, not a long time. Godspeed sir. I’m just glad my kid isn’t into sports.
Oklanopema St Cowpatties - It’s been a long time since season 29 right? I know I remember Bradysenior’s debut season as he became a rankings darling that couldn’t quite sneak in to the playoffs on the wave of beaver fever. Now here he is, spotlighted with the rest of us underachieving casuals. We all go through it when we’re newer to the league. We have that season where we’re like ‘yeah I can do this!’ Then we move on to a bigger and better team only to have the smacketh down laid upon us. And that’s ok. Brady won’t and grabbed a good team at the wrong time. Okie St once boasted the best Rb in the game prior the Jeantycention of Season 30. Not sure if the magic is still there but I gotta hand it to Brady with his scheduling choices. Anyone who beats duke gets a kudos in my book. I look forward to the discord propaganda that will likely follow the game with Smitty. It’ll be a barn burner for sure one way or the other…
Honorable Mentions:
Purdon’t Boilerplates
UaintB
Sarahcuse Orangelos
Yeeshigan St Departans
Aridzona Wild blue yonder
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