Goldilocks and the Three Independent Bears: A Silly FBS Tale
Once upon a time, in the enchanted forest of college football, three bears lived in a cozy conference called the FBS Independents. Each had their own porridge—Notre Dame’s was steaming hot, UConn’s was just as toasty, and poor UMass’s was, well, ice-cold. Goldilocks, in this whimsical tale, represents the wandering fans who can’t decide which team’s house to settle in.
Great Big Bear: #9 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (3-0)
The Great Big Bear, also known as Coach ReignOnU, has been on a rampage this season. His porridge is scalding hot, fueled by a blistering 98 points scored in just three games. That’s over 30 points per game against powerhouse opponents like Michigan, Nebraska, and Purdue. Not only has Daddy Bear been spanking the competition, but he’s also been setting the standard for what it means to be an elite program in the NDL.
Upcoming challenges loom large for Notre Dame, with the #14 Louisville Cardinals and the #24 Florida State Seminoles on the horizon. Coach Mjkemp15 of Louisville boasts a 19-3 record in just two seasons, while Coach FLmanUniversity of Florida State has only stumbled against the #1 Oklahoma Sooners and their legendary two-time championship coach, Jiggy Jrod. Can the great Big Bear keep the porridge piping hot? Only time will tell.
Medium Size Bear: #16 Connecticut Huskies (1-0)
Next, we have The Medium Size Bear, represented by the #16 UConn Huskies and their longtime leader, Coach DRiccio21. With 25 seasons at UConn and 30 seasons in the league overall, Medium Bear knows his porridge like the back of his paw. Last season’s 13-0 record didn’t earn him a spot in the playoffs, a snub that’s made him hungrier than ever.
This season, UConn’s schedule is filled with familiar foes and friendly rivalries. Though no Top 25 teams are on the docket, QB Joseph Fagnano has started the season strong, completing 16 of 19 passes for 318 yards and a touchdown in their opener. With his porridge consistently warm, The Medium Sized Bear’s hoping to finally wrestle his way past Notre Dame if The Great Big Bear slips.
Little Wee Bear: UMass Minutemen (2-2)
And then there’s The Little Wee Bear. Oh, Baby Bear. UMass’s porridge is as cold as an Amherst winter. Coach uf83198, the third coach in as many seasons for the Minutemen, has inherited a team with talent that barely scratches the surface. Yet, Wee Bear is no stranger to adversity, boasting a respectable 67-50 record over eight NDL seasons, including a conference championship at Northern Illinois.
This season, UMass has been a mixed bag: two nail-biting wins over UTSA (20-17) and Hawai’i (24-17) paired with two demoralizing blowout losses to Boise State (7-41) and Coastal Carolina (17-49). Baby Bear’s learning curve is steep, and the porridge doesn’t seem to be warming up anytime soon. For now, Little Red Riding Hood (read: any postseason hopes) will have to wait.
A Season of Possibilities
With three distinct bears in this fabled conference, the FBS Independents are shaping up to deliver an epic season. Great Big Bear is roaring ahead, but Medium Bear is lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce if an opportunity arises. Wee Bear, meanwhile, is left scrambling to find any spark to warm his porridge.
As Goldilocks might say, it’s going to take more than a taste test to see who’ll come out on top. Will Notre Dame’s firepower scorch the competition? Can UConn’s experience pave the way to redemption? Or will UMass defy expectations and serve up a surprise?
Stay tuned, college football fans. This season, the forest is alive with possibility.
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