Bottom 10x2: Block 4 & 5 edition
Article By: Took a bye week last week to collect myself for the annual Holiday 2nd job season. Joys of kids right? I need to find me a sugarmama! This wound up being MORE work than just doing a regular article, so I clearly need to not shirk my duties. That said, here’s a double sized Bottom 10 which we’ll just call the Bottom 10x2 for imagery sake.
Oregone St Beavis and Buttheads – The Beavs catch a break in block 5 with a coach less Utah St team which would have been a contender for the Toilet Bowl championship had Coach Wave not had to step away, so we’ll have to turn our sights to another Toilet Bowl contender with Air Force in Week 12. Coach Untouchable has a whopping 4 toilet bowl contention games with several teams on the list and he’s dropped 2/3 thus far. By far one of our #1 contenders for the golden toilet seat folks! *Golf Clap*
Nevada NWO Wolfpac – The Wolfpack was able to break the legal drinking age in scoring the last couple of blocks, but has yet to notch a win after coming close against Fresno back in week 8. They have to esteemed honor of being the only team in the NDL to have to deal with Kaleb Johnson and Alshon Jeanty in the same season and both dog-walked the defense to a tune of 67 attempts for damn near 450 yards. You hate to see it. He was able to make fellow Bottom 10er Oregone St look like defensive juggernaut, team ratings be damned.
Ill-ugh-noise Fighting Albinos – Coach Hail and the Illini made headlines getting their first career NDL win in dramatic fashion despite getting out gained by almost double the yards. With only one remaining potential Toilet Bowl ranked game left against South Alabama, Hail is toward the head of the pack and has become a staple of the Bottom 10 list this season. Hats off to you sir. Also, how in the blue hell did those turtle trottin’ Illini manage to run a kick back? That brings us to a team that may actually be SLOWER than Illinois and that’s…
Minnesota Goofy Goobers – Coach Taruncheel and the Goofy Goobers have had a rough go of it, outside of a quality win against Marshall in week 2 the lone domination came against the aforementioned Boo-ins. They have to remain on the list if only for allowing the Illini to run a kick back on them. They’re a sim win against Rutgers away from getting off the list, however, two more rival games loom against Top Dad Niddler and NDL Media darling RB and the Honey Badgers so look for more Goofy Goober concerts at a venue near you.
Bowling Green Eggs & Ham – Coach Drew and the Falcons followed up their Toilet Bowl Candidacy with the now vacated Akronmonius Zips coach with a some listless losses to NIU, Kent S & Toledo. Most noteworthy is that the Falcons went scoreless for 4 straight quarters across the Toledo & Kent St games. If there’s one thing Drew and the Falcons will do, it’s get up for a rivalry game. Rumor has it the Akron coach left due to sheer guilt with Bowling Green.
UCLA Boo-ins – Since ‘Viktimizing’ the UTSA Roadkill back in Week 2, Coach Carman has managed to break 20 points just once against our Podcast Overlord JasonUK and the Cal Golden Bears. Jason is a benevolent overlord and wanted to help make sure UCLA didn’t regret leaving the Pac 12. After making the Goofy Goobers look good, the Boo-ins followed up that with a 54 yard outing. Yes… total yards of 54! This may be another case of a coach not being able to live with the guilt and subsequently vacating their position. Then again neither team apparently broke a 100 yards passing or receiving so I’m truly questioning just what was going on in Week 8. Maybe they were just punting between the 30s and kicking field goals? I got nothin’.
Navy ‘Mid’-Seamen – Poor Coach Code_one. He had the joy of running in to the defensive buzzsaw known as Norte Dame in week 9, and while he didn’t get 35’d (just 34’d) the fun fact hear is that the Midshipmen almost had more kick return yards than total offense. Sitting a blistering 95 yards on offense to 87 Kick Return yards. On a plus note, the Midshipmen did notch their first win against a newcomer to the bottom 10 list…
Kennesaw Mountain Landis State Owls – outside the barn burner with Oregone St to open the season back when everyone still had high hopes, the Mountain Landis Owls have not lost by less than three scores nor have they crossed the legal drinking age of scoring. For those wondering, Kennesaw Landis was the MLBs first commissioner, born in Kennesaw Mountain, GA. There’s some must see TV coming up In week 14 when Louisiana Technicality and the Owls collide in a test of beautiful sweet futility.
UVAWOL Caveliers You can’t fault Coach Doc for getting bodied by some Group of 5 cupcake. No sir, he took his donkey stompings from Arkansas, Texas A&M, #15 UConn, and has a scheduled public execution with Norte Dame in week 12. This is likely the reason Block M was out here trashing the pollsters and the MWC. Sources say he’ll have a full on protest outside of Chapel Hill to argue for a ‘quality’ Toilet Bowl game between UNC & UVA in week 9. I can already hear him now: ‘My Bottom feeders are better than yours MWC!’
FAWho? Owls – Coach Buckeye and the FAU Owls seem to start fast and fizzle out before the game’s end. They dropped a game to the UTSA Roadkill after being up 17-10 at half, and lost a demoralizer to USF 14-20 after being up 14-0 in the first quarter. Their season seems to be trending in that direction as well, as the point totals have seen a steady drop as the season moves on. Let’s hope for Buckeye’s sake that this trend doesn’t’ continue or there won’t be many points left for him to score!
Syracuse Orangelos – I’ve held off on including Coach Pauley’s squad due to catching short end of a crap sandwich when it came to ratings adjustments back in Block 2, however, he’s had plenty of time to adjust his gameplan to plan a better attack, and what does he do? Take a knee in solidarity to protest his team’s rating. Provocative? Sure. Productive? Not really. He doesn’t have the luxury of playing fellow ACC Bottom 10er UVAWOL either so its all down hill from here. I propose he live stream a game against the Pitt CPU and do a telethon to try and get digital signatures from the league to get him boosted back up to an 83 or something.
WVU Brokeback Mountaineers – Gotta give Lone his due, he willingly went to the Big 12 scheduled VTRunNgun and Pitt for extra rivalry points and then budding juggernaut clevenole and Tennessee. On paper, this is what you do to get in to the CFP! (Group of 5 powerhouses take notes) However the execution has left a lot to be desired. The Brokeback Mountaineers have scored some points on occasion and dropped a heartbreaker to the vacated Pitt squad. However in blocks 4 & 5, he had a stretch of games in which he scored 7, 7 & 3. The last of which was a callback straight out of 1942 football. The Mountaineers outgained K-State by a 100 yards and still managed to lose 10-3 with the field goal coming in the 4th.
UMess – NDL OG CNasty remains on the list despite notching his first W in his (not so) triumphant return to the NDL. The 21 point burst in the 2nd by the oneminutemen played up to the name, as it a quick short, but effective, burst of points to secure the victory. The victory itself was a bit overshadowed by Coach Berokoff’s ongoing legal battles with EA and their rating system, but nonetheless, the circus was certainly worthy of Toilet Bowl consideration.
(IYKYK)
Miss-sus-sippi St Bulljivers – I was going to leave Coach Beercop off the list until I saw this amazing stat: 37-281. That is the Bulljiver’s point differential this season through 9 games. Pure unadulterated pain. The bright spot is the fact that Beercop was able to break double digits against Baylor. CFP CONTROVERSY ANYONE?! No? Ok I’ll keep it pushing.
Vander-bleach-blonde-bad-built-butch-body[b] – I was fortunate enough to delay this article long enough to allow Steamrollr to play his games in order (AS GOD INTENDED) to see the mercy ruling of our other SEC masochist Coach Quest. Somebody has to take the Ls in the SEC, and I’m sad that there isn’t a bizarro world SEC Championship between the Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Bodies & the Bulljivers. We may need to make that happen in Blitz!
[b]Sam Houston We have a Problem – The Bearkats (with a K don’t forget) are on a week 12 collision course for one of the premier Toilet Bowl matchups with Kennesaw Mountain Landis St. This plus Louisiana Technicality in week 10 make for hate watch TV. One of the other rare teams that got to matchup against 4 other Bottom 10ers this season. Keep an eye on this Porcelain Horse in the race to the bottom!
Ye Olde Dominion of the Monarchy – Toro and the Monarchs are getting beat up like Theater kids in the after-school specials. They’ve been shut out 3 times this season in 6 games and have mustered double digits one time this season. He did help get Texas Stank off the list with a W despite holding the Bobkittens to under 100 yards rushing and passing. Impressive stuff from the Monarchy. They’re quickly becoming a fan favorite, not unlike the King in the hit Broadway Musical Hamilton!
Buffalo Wild Wings – Coach Wobbles, a new Discord Fan fav has finally made his way on to this illustrious list. He hit the ground running after a block 3 double-bye hiatus Taking decisive L’s to Toledo, Western Michigan & Other Ohio. Now becomes a Lord in Waiting as we wait for a new coach to be assigned to Akronmonius for some A1 Toilet Bowl action. There’s additional potential turd wars to close out the season with Kent State as well.
Louisiana Technicality - LA-Technicality is doing what it can to try and work itself off the list, but looking at their schedule, it feels like he took that prison advice of find the biggest meanest mf’er in the block and knock him out. That big lug looks to be Georgia & DCane, and that just doesn’t seem like its going to end well at all. Coach Lingus was however able to get their first W from charitable NDL donor Oldschoola and Whew Mexico St. They do have Sam Houston we have a problem & Mountain Landis St to close out the season as well so plenty of intrigue here as well.
Whew Mexico State Aggravation – Thanks to the success of Coach Sammy in the MWC, Oldschoola is getting some nice pull in the Coaches poll, as he too is ahead of my Boise St Jeantys despite being comfortable winless and enjoying his time in the C-USA. He has been a get right game for not 1, not 2, not 3… ok well actually 3 different coaches on this list. Oldschoola is doing gods work just as many of the folks on this list are.
As always, the NDL wouldn’t be what it is without you fellas, and that’s why I continue to spotlight all that you do (or in this case don’t) so that we’re not always fixated on the Top 25 all season. You all are truly the backbone of the league, and we appreciate you getting your games in and providing me with splendidly ridiculous stat lines and outcomes for your reading pleasure.
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