Those Dumb@#&'s Didn't Fire Me!
Article By: In a move that stunned sports fans and bewildered even the most optimistic Hilltopper supporters, Western Kentucky University's Athletic Director decided to keep the football coach after a less-than-stellar 2-10 season. Yes, you read that right—one of those "victories" came via forfeit, meaning the team's actual win-loss record stands at a cringe-worthy 1-10. So, how did we get here? Buckle up, folks; it’s going to be a wild ride!
#### 1. **The “Glass Half Full” Approach**
Our dear Athletic Director has apparently decided to adopt a unique perspective on the season: the glass is not half empty; it’s completely full of excuses! “We could’ve been 0-11!” he cheerfully proclaimed at the end-of-season press conference. Well, yes, technically, but that’s like saying, “At least I didn’t trip and fall into a cactus.” Not exactly a glowing endorsement.
#### 2. **The Power of Positive Thinking**
In the wake of a season that left fans weeping into their foam fingers, the Athletic Director embraced the power of positivity. “Think of the future!” he exclaimed, “This team is a ‘work in progress!’” Sure, if progress is measured by how many times the team tripped over its own shoelaces. But hey, at least they didn’t trip over the trophy!
#### 3. **Free Beer for Fans?**
In an innovative (if slightly desperate) attempt to boost morale, WKU is considering offering free beer to fans who come to the next season’s games. That’s right—nothing says “we believe in our team” like bribing the audience with booze. Maybe the promise of alcohol will encourage attendance, or at least distract fans from the scoreboard!
#### 4. **Secret Contractual Clause**
Rumor has it that the coach’s contract has a special clause: “Thou shalt not be fired unless the team wins fewer than zero games.” So, technically, the coach is safe as long as he doesn’t find a way to lose a game that hasn’t even started. We can only hope he’s not taking this as a challenge!
#### 5. **Team-Building Retreat?**
In a bold move to lift spirits, the Athletic Director is planning a team-building retreat in the hopes of turning things around. Imagine the squad bonding over trust falls and awkward icebreakers. “Hey guys, remember when we fell short of the end zone? Let’s bond over that!” Who knew the road to victory included a mandatory yoga class?
#### 6. **Embracing the Underdog Status**
WKU fans might be gritting their teeth, but the Athletic Director is playing up the underdog narrative. “Every great comeback story starts with adversity!” he announced, ignoring the fact that this particular story seems to be more “low-budget horror film” than “inspiring sports drama.”
#### 7. **Merchandising Opportunities!**
Why not capitalize on the failure? The Athletic Department is rolling out a new line of merchandise featuring the slogan “Better Luck Next Time!” It’s a bold move, and if nothing else, it’ll make for great conversation starters at family gatherings. “Oh, you’re wearing that shirt? Is that a new fashion statement or just a reminder of last season?”
#### 8. **The Ultimate Trust Fall**
Perhaps the most audacious reason for keeping the coach is a deep-seated belief in loyalty. “We’ve invested a lot in this program, and we’re committed to seeing it through!” the AD stated, likely while simultaneously checking for job openings elsewhere. It’s as if the Athletic Director is daring the football gods to do their worst, convinced that they can’t possibly fail again!
### Conclusion: A Season for the Ages
As we prepare for another rollercoaster season, one thing is clear: Western Kentucky University’s Athletic Director has chosen to embrace the chaos, much like the team embraced their ability to consistently throw INT's at crucial moments. So, here’s to the next season—may it bring more wins, fewer forfeits, and, above all, an endless supply of beer! Because in the end, if you can’t win, at least make sure the fans are well-buzzed!
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