Marraige; Where is the Value?

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 2:48 pm

This is a serious thread, too. I know I have to point that out when I start one.

Working in the bar industry for many years, I've become quite jaded towards marriage. As a math nerd, all I see is negative expected value and, it isn't even fucking close ... NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE.

So, why are you married? I understand religion is the major (or only) factor, but what about those who didn't have a moral obligation in the matter; who were just marrying on face value. What's the angle? Are the tax breaks THAT fucking good?

I seriously don't get it. And, to make matters worse, you can't even have a lifelong girlfriend because of the asshole common law marriages.

cougnix · Post by **cougnix** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 2:56 pm

Common Law isn't everywhere. The state of Washington does NOT recognize common law at all, people think they do, but they don't.

I got married because I love the woman I am with. We have kids, a life and we don't give in to temptations. Yes I have gone out with the boys, messed around at the bars, but never have crossed the line. Never cheated, never kissed another woman.

Your thoughts are a product of society and that Sex is the only thing in life. Believe me, there is a reason I am still married, I'm not bored, I get what I want, and I MEAN I GET WHAT I WANT. A lot of men get denied a certain act as soon as the ring is on the finger, but I tell you what, if its stated clearly that this will continue, for me, it has...

Anyway, That's my 2 cents...

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 2:58 pm

cougnix wrote: I got married because I love the woman I am with. We have kids, a life and we don't give in to temptations. Yes I have gone out with the boys, messed around at the bars, but never have crossed the line. Never cheated, never kissed another woman.

Your thoughts are a product of society and that Sex is the only thing in life.

No, money; not sex. What is the difference between - assuming common law doesn't exist - a lifelong girlfriend with children and marriage; excepting the obvious religious viewpoints that prevent that arrangement.

Like, what makes your life so much better with your WIFE as opposed to loving her the same as a GIRLFRIEND? You see what I mean?

Post by **DRiccio21** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:00 pm

the only reason i can see myself getting married is kids. other then that i'd never get married. i'm financially stable so i don't need the 2nd income and i love being alone and being able to do as i please.

not all people are confident enough to be alone tho. most people i know getting close to their 30's start to freak out and think they "have" to get married. the thought of growing old alone scares people.

i know plenty of people who get married for money also, especially chicks in miami.

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:03 pm

DRiccio21 wrote:not all people are confident enough to be alone tho. most people i know getting close to their 30's start to freak out and think they "have" to get married. the thought of growing old alone scares people.

Which is why I am even bringing it up, how funny! I just turned 30. For every five "Happy Birthday!" greetings I got, I got two "So, when are you getting married?!"

My answer, "When I do."

And that answer confuses the fuck out of most people. And, strangely, IT IS THE MEN!!!!! But, as you said, secure financially or not, I don't see why I would WILLINGLY launch myself into a situation that has a gross negative expected value.

Bernie32 · Post by **Bernie32** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:13 pm

I agree with you Trendon. I never got married and am thankful now that we split that I never did. I use to kid with everyone that we were working backwards, kids, dog, house, then we'll get married. I don't need a ring or piece of paper to tell me that I love someone. I'm not saying never, but it's certainly not a priority.

Post by **ajalves** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:31 pm

my wife is cool. I got 2 great kids. double the income. get laid whenever i want, dont have to work for it. I got 2 great kids.

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:33 pm

ajalves wrote:my wife is cool. I got 2 great kids. double the income. get laid whenever i want, dont have to work for it. I got 2 great kids.

That is fantastic. However, I am unsure if I worded myself properly. What is the difference between your post and this:

ajalves wrote:my girlfriend of 15 years is cool. I got 2 great kids. double the income. get laid whenever i want, dont have to work for it. I got 2 great kids.

Post by **ajalves** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:34 pm

i wanna see my kids every night

Post by **ajalves** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:37 pm

families health insurance is 1/3 the price since we're married as well.....

the flip side, what is the downfall? I found a cool ass lady whoi wanted to be my wife, now she is, shit is cool. I dont need my "independance". She lets me have as much as I want, as I do for her....

Shit aint perfect, but thats because women are fucking crazy

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:38 pm

ajalves wrote:i wanna see my kids every night

Yeah, clearly I don't get it and I am going to have to leave it at that. I won't continue this anymore because I am either a moron or you are all brainwashed. I am a big fan of majority rules ... and I ain't it, so ...

cougnix · Post by **cougnix** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:40 pm

Who says you get sex every night just because the title is GIRLFRIEND rather than WIFE?

Who says you make DOUBLE? Why don't I get DOUBLE being married?

Of course there are tax reasons that make marriage better than just having a relationship. But that's not why we got married.

Some people just can't commit themselves to one person...

Post by **ajalves** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:40 pm

i dont 'oppose' your view, its just not mine....aint my job to convince you of anything to be honest. I appreciate Trendon for Trendon....I did/will do whats I think ids best for my kids, me, and my wife ...in that order

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:42 pm

ajalves wrote:i dont 'oppose' your view, its just not mine....aint my job to convince you of anything to be honest. I appreciate Trendon for Trendon....I did/will do whats I think ids best for my kids, me, and my wife ...in that order

I don't even have a view to oppose! I don't get it and that's not a view.

jsence2 · Post by **jsence2** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:42 pm

trendon wrote: Like, what makes your life so much better with your WIFE as opposed to loving her the same as a GIRLFRIEND? You see what I mean?

Because anybody can "date" or be "boyfriend/girlfriend".

it takes a true commitment to say you want to spend your life with someone, "for better or for worse".

The problem is that people are getting married who have no business DOING so. Many marriages shouldn't take place to begin with, because there are issues that have never been dealt with.

That's why many churches are starting to go down the road mine has always done--in order for the minister or the church to marry you, you're required to go to pre-marital counseling, usually anywhere from 7 to 13 sessions. These sessions make you answer some pretty tough questions, both about yourself, your partner (what would be things you would change about them? What do they do that upsets you?), and your future. It touches big time on MONEY (financial needs/wants, financial compatability, etc) as well as things that will come up later (child raising, work, etc).

It helped me and my ex-fiance realize that we were in for a very difficult marriage and we made the right decision and called it off--had it not been for the counseling, we would have ended up in an unhappy marriage, and seeing as neither of us believe in divorce, well....it's not a pretty picture.

But when it works, Trendon, ask those people if it's worth it. They'll say yes every time.

Post by **ajalves** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:43 pm

now that this got religious...im out!

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:49 pm

Yeah, I officially don't get it. I am confused.

Even religion - which you know I hate - has apparent benefits. Hell, it even benefits me on the community level and I despise its existence. Marriage/unions seems to have one tangible benefit: tax breaks. That is all.

There is nothing else that can't be done with a lifelong girlfriend that can be done with a wife. And that is where I keep bringing up expected value ... marriage has a negative one.

Yet, we all line up for it.

Color me confused and consider me out of this thread.

Post by **DRiccio21** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:49 pm

what don't you get about AJ saying he wants to see his kids everynight? thats a no brainer to me, actually the only thing that made sense to me.

i look forward to seeing my dog every night, i couldnt imagine if i had little Reeeeeech-i-o's running around the balcony

Post by **DRiccio21** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:51 pm

trendon wrote: Color me confused and consider me out of this thread.

i dont think you can leave your own thread, thats gotta be against some sort of board law

trendon · Post by **trendon** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:51 pm

DRiccio21 wrote:what don't you get about AJ saying he wants to see his kids everynight? thats a no brainer to me, actually the only thing that made sense to me.

i look forward to seeing my dog every night, i couldnt imagine if i had little Reeeeeech-i-o's running around the balcony

Why couldn't he see his kids if his wife was his girlfriend and they lived together harmoniously?

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