Re: My Journey... (Updated 12/3/14)

[ReignOnU]

Well, I really didn't want to retype this novel again, so I'm going to paste in the better part of an email that followed up a text to some friends last night and just edit out some unimportant stuff. I know over the last few years that we've had some guys in the league go through the IVF process. For those that haven't experienced it, it's a tremendous emotional roller coaster. I remember reading about Luis' attempt and failure and it was genuinely heartbreaking to see. While I haven't met anyone (well, 1 guy I knew before the NDL), I do think there is a brotherhood here just due to the amount of interaction that we have on a week to week basis. Anyway... on to the story... (it's long, beware)

So here is the back story on the text from last night.

About 5-6 years ago, as most of you probably know, my wife was pregnant and we lost the child. Afterwards, we didn't get any kind of official explanation from the doctors as to what the cause was for the miscarriage. However, what we did find out was that she had cervical adenocarcinoma in situ, the beginning of cervical cancer. We worked with a cancer specialist locally who did a great job of taking care of things and he completely removed the cancer from the cervix. After this process, she went on birth control and we weren't allowed to try again for a year.

After the year was up, we were afraid that we had limited time to have a child, because we didn't want the problem to come back. We started working with a doctor at one center (who ironically ends up working for a company we work with later on!). We did a handful of IUIs (artificial insemination), over roughly a year, but none of them worked.

At this point, we had a pretty big decision to make, as we decided that the next step was going to be IVF (in vitro fertilization). If you're not familiar with the process, they perform a surgery where they remove the eggs from her body, mix them with my sperm in a lab to create the embryos, then reinsert embryos that are successfully developing. A yield of eggs can range anywhere from 5-20, while a yield of successful embyros is roughly 1/3 of the egg yield. Initially we were going to use the same doctor, but we did some research and found a practice out of Cincinnati that had the highest success rates I could find (with in reason). Unfortunately, this was just the tip of the iceberg.

We went through the 1st IVF cycle and it failed and didn't have any embryos left over. We tried a 2nd IVF cycle, which also failed and didn't have any embryos left, but did get a slightly better quality and quantity of eggs to start with. At this point we were very frustrated, but decided to give it one more shot, as we at least had seen some signs of it potentially working during the 1st 2 cycles.

On the 3rd cycle, we were fortunate enough to get enough embryos to try the IVF again and have 5 embryos left to freeze. The cycle itself failed again. We did find out that she was technically pregnant, but it could have been the equivalent of a chemical pregnancy. After 3 full cycle failures and having 5 frozen embryos left, of which normally only a portion of these will unfreeze properly and be useable, we had to begin to look at some other options. We started to discuss things like using a surrogate (someone else carrying the child), egg donor (using another females egg and my wife carrying), and of course, adoption. Throughout the process, if nothing else, we have been determined that we will have a child. At the beginning of 2011, we decided to try a frozen cycle of IVF. It's the same process, just using the frozen embryos. We figured it was worth a shot considering it was significantly cheaper to do than a full cycle. This cycle also didn't take.

Throughout the process, we opted not to tell anyone except her mother and my mother. When we lost the first child it was a pretty big emotional hit and we knew that we may have some obstacles ahead, though we didn't know how many or how big. But we didn't want to deal with the feelings of extra pressure or constantly talking about it along the way. In our minds, it only would have added much more stress to an already incredibly emotional situation.

Over the course of the processes, we did run into 2 people that she knew that were working with the same doctor. 1 of which was a coworker, who eventually gave up after her first failed attempt. The other, ironically, was a very close friend from when we were in high school. After the failure on the frozen cycle in June/July, she was talking with a coworker and another coworker, who she has worked with at 2 locations over the last 6-7 years overheard the situation. So my wife explained everything to her. The 2nd coworker, immediately offered to carry the child. This was completely out of the blue and my first thought was that it was just a friendly gesture in a time of need. However, it was her that told my wife back when we had the miscarriage that she would do the same thing if we ever needed it.

We contemplated our options over the next month or so and we wanted to give her time to make sure that this was really something that she wanted to do. We were convinced that this was the way to go. With the help of the same facility we got everything setup (the legal work in this makes buying a home look like child's play) and finally started the process using the 2 frozen embryos that remained. (btw, because I missed it in here, all 5 frozen embryos actually unthawed properly, which is very rare). In early December we found out that she was officially pregnant.

On Thursday, the baby was 15 1/2 weeks. So we found a place in Columbus that does 3D/4D ultrasounds. It was a pretty incredible experience. They determined that the child is a girl. Her official due date is Aug 1, however, the surrogate will need to have her earlier than that (C-section). So we are generally saying late July right now. Obviously, we're still incredibly cautious and concerned about the process considering all that we've been through. But at this point, we feel good enough and confident enough about things to let everyone know.

If any other NDLers out there ever have questions or are curious about the process, feel free to drop me a line. I'm willing to talk about anything that went on throughout it and would be honored to help you with questions along the way. Hopefully reading all of this wasn't too much of a pain, as I've kind of mentioned, it's been a long journey.

[DRiccio21]

damn...

life is fucking crazy.

very cool, crazy, emotional, intense. hope everything goes smoothly from here and you guys get your dreams fulfilled.

[brwnbear]

Thanks for sharing. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your wife reign.

[doc]

Awesome story. Praying it all goes well.

[uf83198]

What a great story! Best wishes and keep us posted as you guys get closer to the big day!

[shel311]

Great to hear Reign. Congrats and good luck the rest of the way!!!


Also, you should have just let me know, I have a spare baby laying around the house I can give you.

[yougoogelizer]

Wow man, the wife and I are praying for you guys!

[GeorgesGoons]

Amazing story of how life can throw everything at you but good people always prevail in the end. I hope everything works out for you and your wife.

[Cnasty]

Wow, thanks for sharing that.

It hits home right now with my wife being pregnant as well as just starting my new job at one of the best cancer centers in the world. I didn't think I'd like my new job as much as I have but helping these patients and seeing the types of treatment they go through and their families with them for every session makes me really look at what I bitch about in my life.

I hope the best for you and the Mrs.

[ReignOnU]

Thanks guys, much appreciated. 5 more months or so of nerves to contend with now.

[ajalves]

good luck

[The_Niddler]

Awesome to hear and good luck with everything!

[Uuaww]

In 5 months you'll have a healthy baby and will boast about it on here. good luck!

[jsence2]

Congratulations man, I pray that everything goes well and that late summer we will have a happy post from you

[steelcitychaos]

Best wishes to you and the Wife, Keep us updated.

[ReignOnU]

Pretty crazy story right? Apparently it wasn't crazy enough...


So 2 days ago I'm hosting this con call here at work and I get a call from my wife. Can't answer it, so she calls again, still can't pick up. Quickly give her the "?" reply on text and ask if it's an emergency. She says yes, to call her. So I have someone else take over the conference call and step out of the office. She proceeds to inform me that she just took a cheap pregnancy test that she had from our previous processes and it looked positive. She decided to take the test because she really didn't have a period last week. It was pretty late in the day anyway, so I told her to get a couple of good tests and I'd be home shortly. Sure enough, both of those tests were clearly positive.

We both chalked it up to likely being a chemical pregnancy. After all, we've been through countless IUIs, IVFs, on top of trying on our own throughout. Just to be sure, she set up a blood test for yesterday. We assumed that she get that test, then go back on Saturday to check counts and everything would just show us it was chemical. When we got the results back yesterday afternoon, the counts were through the roof. The doctor told her that she's 5-6 weeks (we know the date, so it's 5 1/2) pregnant and there was no need to come in Saturday because the counts are so high that it's pretty much a sure thing. We have an ultrasound scheduled for next Wednesday now.

Needless to say, I'm pretty much in a complete state of "WTF" right about now. We're obviously very concerned about her ability to carry this child. It would certainly be a real blessing if she can though, because we'd likely be finished with having children.

So from 5-6yrs of struggles to 2 children that would potentially be born 3 months apart. Stunned.

[Nole4real]

WOW man...hoping for the best with BOTH

[BsktbllJk]

Wow...best of luck...in my prayers

[Weasel]

Wow! Im sure Shel knows a thing or two about an unexpected extra little one. Incredible story though (sorry, first time Ive seen the original post)

[shel311]

That is literally one of the craziest, coolest stories I've ever heard.

That is one for the ages.

Congrats man. I hope all goes completely well, and you get 2 babies and are good to go.

Great stuff.